At the World’s End

There’s been a lot of buzz running around the internet about the end of the world. I’m not going to jump on the bandwagon and just insult the hell out of the people who believe this, no matter how irresponsible the people leading this movement are. Instead, I made a realization: I’m genuinely excited about this.

It’s not that my life is horrible, or that I wish death for anyone.  It’s just that I’m tired.  Not tired of living, but tired of being bored.  The more bored I get, the more projects I start.  The more projects I start, the less time I’m choose to spend sleeping.  The less time I spend sleeping, the longer the projects take.  The longer the projects take, the more opportunity I have to get bored.  It’s really a vicious cycle.  Something like the end of the world would really break the cycle.

Of course, we’ll also ignore the fact that I spend, according to Ms. Perception, FAR too much time thinking about apocalyptic situations, especially zombies, and we’ll ignore the fact that the dead are supposed to walk, which means we’ll be LARPing Left 4 Dead pretty soon.

True, there’s all sorts of other issues that can arise from the End of Days (not the movie with the Governator, but prophesies), including Mr. Christ coming to the planet like a professional wrestler, and people I know disappearing off of the face of the planet, but there’s also that 4 horseman thing.

Actually scratch that 4 horseman thing.  I’m highly trained to survive  3 of them (Thank you, Uncle Sam). I’m doubly protected against Pestilence/Plague since I have a kid, and he’s already brought home large number of diseases. As for Famine, well, I’m fat, and none-too-picky about what I eat, and there’s plenty of wild-growing food in my area.  War just requires a short drive to my state funded camping trips.  All I really need to be concerned about is random Death.

Seriously though, if you feel like you’re going to be part of the Raptured, I bid you a good and blissful eternity.  Also, open up a few dozen credit cards and email me the numbers so I can enjoy my Godless, Hell on Earth, end of the world with some financial freedom.  You can’t take it with you, and really, what good will your credit score do for you up in Heaven?

You don’t have much time left!

Mr. Reality is the co-host/producer of the bi-weekly podcast: Fail at Podcast and the author of the blog “Reality Check”, which is updated “damnit, Badger, shut up!  I’ll get to it when I have time”.  Everything stated on in this article is the sole opinion of Mr. Reality, and in no way represents the views of his employers, clients, co-workers, or people he met on the street.  He says this stuff because he thinks it needs to be said, or he thinks it’s funny and if you have a problem with anything stated above, email him at failatpdcast@gmail.com. Unless you’re getting Raptured. In which case, this all won’t matter in a couple of days for you anyway.